On Duality, Lessons from Lisa Nichols

Pencerah Nusantara plays a big role in my life. That’s true. It’s a giant leap, an uncomfortable one. And on this road less traveled, not only I figured many things about health problem, I also discovered more about me.

During my times here, I finally am able to realize my ugly truth. Back when I was in the city, everything is so chaotic, but comforting pleasure is just one door away. I easily reach my parents, easily hanging around and eat good food, hoping into amusing things, etc. But here, I confront it myself, with more limited access to those distracting pleasure. I then became fully aware of it.

And it’s hard. Really, really hard.

At some points, I ever tough that I going through a mild depression. Those who know me will know that I quit reserved, content and calm. I hardly open my stories to anyone. I see it as a sign of weakness. So, I don’t usually tell people about my struggles.

But here, I keep on contacting my friends and mentors, to give me encouragement. I am saying my fear, my insecurities, and my doubts. I state it very clearly, that I need their help. I even ask to one of them, am I normal? It feels like I have 2 different personalities. One is a person who fueled by dreams and ambitions, who like to keep moving forward. And the others is a person who has a constant sorrow on herself. Why on earth those things happen?

Can I be that other person who seemingly always enjoy her life? And achieve what I wish to have?

Yesterday, I hit this awesome video on YouTube. Suddenly Lisa Nichols becomes my favorite. I don’t even know who she is. But, her story drives me so much. To me, Lisa is not that kind of person who sells her “from broke to rich person” kind-of-stories. Most of them will tell you all the glory once you become a billionaire. And somehow that makes them less human. “Is money that transforming for you so you don’t have any difficult matter once you have them?” I think no.

We, human, always have our constant struggle. And Lisa beautifully states it by saying “If you can hold your brilliance, while still holding your imperfections, the freedom would be earthshaking”.  And I agree that her peace among those dualities make people feel comfortable with her. “I don’t shrink in my greatness, not also drown in my sorrow.”

So I do learn something. What once I tough as a strange duality in myself, is actually really normal. I don’t have to expose only great things in my life to you because that’s unfair. That kind of self-censored and incomplete stories on life will just make someone feel bad and depressed, comparing that their life is not as glorifying as you.  

And talk into the core, it is not your job to be like by others. It is your job to work on you. This hit me so hard. It also my topic of discussion with my friends, how much do we need likeability from others? And being so drowned in other opinion and perception, I struggle to make fair judgments about myself.  Lisa tells, every morning when she wakes up, she told herself three things:

“Lisa, I love you

Lisa, I forgive you

Lisa, I commit to you”

Really, that’s heartbreaking. We too focus on others expectation, then to our self. We too commit on others and make discount on our commitment to our self. We lose us. We forget that it is my job first to like me. It is my job to work on me.

Thank you for sharing your duality stories, Lisa. Now I can continue my life.