On Extroverting an Introvert

It goes without saying that I am an Introvert, 100% (well, maybe 80%?). When I first know the term from Susan Cain's TED Talk, I feel a great sense of relief. That I am pretty much normal. That it is okay to be introverted with all of its strengths and weakness. But, recently I think I am playing it too safe, too comfortable. In the middle of a new environment abroad, I need more social fabric than I initially thought.

I come across this book from Mba Asnin's IG Story. Curious, I search for the book sample on Kindle, and I am caught! It's sooo hilarious and relatable. At this point, I was already so skeptical about any books on introverts because it has been so cliché and boring. This book comes with a fresh kick without sounding ‘holier than thou’. I immediately order the book from Amazon and it comes right on 24th December, of what feels like a perfect Christmas gift from me to myself haha.

The writer, Jessica Pan, is a Chinese-American who moved to London with her husband. In London, she pretty much does not have friends. Her old friends are anywhere across the globe, but not in London. And her introversion doesn't help at all, especially because she is also shy (introversion and shyness are two different things, although both can coexist in a so-called shintrovert). She said she become an unhappy introvert and decided to take 1 year of living dangerously as an extrovert. It pretty much reminds me of Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project book.

That year, she try extroverted things that were beyond her comfort zone. Start by talking to strangers, giving a TED Talk-like speech, going to networking events, trying friend-dating apps, doing improv, performing stand-up comedy, and organizing a thanksgiving party. Put it this way, it feels like menial everyday things. But, it requires a hell lot of effort for an introvert to go out there and be comfortable enough to interact with others.

What is so special about this book is she goes above and beyond for each project. She consulted directly with the expert in each group. As a reader, I feel like being taught without being told. Some reviewers on Goodreads said, because of her access to all these professionals, she is not relatable to most ordinary introverts. Well, I argue that is what makes this book valuable. Jessica trained as a journalist, so she has access and privileges to access the expert. Otherwise, this self-memoir will feel like a diary without so much added value to the public.

In the end, she is happy to try extroverting herself to some degree, that it is not as scary as she thought. Although she also reserves some introverted traits that she thinks are great (like, letting people go in a Café without interrupting their quiet time. PS: please don't break our sanctuary haha), she learns that letting herself to new experiences enriched her life in a good way.

After reading this book, I left with a lot of things to reflect on. Will I brave enough to extroverting myself here? To what degree do I want to trade my comfort for new experience? To what extent can I exert self-disclosure in exchange for a potential friendship? I also take this into my mental note: "Nobody waves - but everybody waves back". 

One of my lecturers once said to our class before Christmas break “Treat yourself with a good book this holiday”. I think I did. Not only this book is so well-written, funny, and relatable, but it also serves as a question worth asking and reflecting on. I highly recommend this book to my introverted friends out there.